land of rest

Land of Rest is a blog of Peter Jenks. Poems, quotes and photos are by Peter Jenks (unless otherwise noted or I miss noting an older post's photo) and are copyrighted, you are free to use these if you acknowledge their source.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

giving and receiving

No matter how hard I try, I cannot receive by giving. I can hope that I might receive something in return, a reciprocal gift or attention. But for my giving to be giving it needs simply to be for the joy and behalf of those to whom I give. And ultimately that is why I give. But the deep longing, wishes, or perceived needs will never be met by giving and giving. Perhaps asking might get me what I am seeking, but to simply give and give and hope someone will know what it is I am seeking is probably not going to happen.
Sometimes I think that if I do enough for someone, they might love me. This way of thinking even applies to my relationship with God. Somehow, I need to simply receive, because others wish to give, most of all God has already given. If it is something that I have earned than it is no longer a gift, but a wage or an earning. And in holding onto an earning I feel justified and have power. Love is not about power, and it is love or connection that I ultimately seek.
Receiving is being vulnerable enough to let someone else be allowed to be intimate or connected with us and not having to control everyone and thing. There is much to let go of in order to receive.

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